When I decided a few months ago to sponsor a 2nd child through Compassion, I thought it would be fun to find a child that I had some sort of connection to, rather than just picking a random picture off the website. I searched by birthdate, and found an 8-year-old boy named Abhin that has the same birthday as I do. So of course when our birthdays rolled around this year, I sent him a gift. You can’t actually send presents to Compassion children, but you can send a monetary gift that the child can spend as he or she chooses. I used their website to send him a $25 gift, and then went back to my normally scheduled life and forgot all about it.

On Monday, I received a letter from. He wrote that he used the money I sent him to buy a cot. This is what he wrote:

Earlier, my mother and me were sleeping on the floor Now we are able to sleep on the cot. It is very comfortable. I do thanks for your gift. I do pray for you. May God bless you abundantly.

That stopped me in my tracks. $25 that I’d charged to my credit card without a second thought meant the difference between sleeping on the floor or on a cot for this boy. A cot that I would most likely not willingly sleep on because I didn’t think it was comfortable.

Then a couple more things occurred to me:

• The sheets that are on my bed right now cost more than $25.
• My pillow cost more than $25.
• The crate my dog sleeps in cost more than $25.
• I could spend $25 on something completely unnecessary without even blinking

Talk about a reality check…

I returned home yesterday from a weekend visiting friends in Atlanta. I have to say that it was one of the most restful weekends I’ve ever spent up there. Normally, it’s all about tons of shopping, eating at great restaurants, going out, meeting people, etc., etc., etc. It never stops. And that’s what I was expecting this weekend. I even told a co-worker on Friday that I was looking forward to the trip, but also kind of dreading it because of how tired I would be when I got home.

I’m glad to say that’s not the case. We barely left the house. I got to sleep in every day, and got breakfast in bed Saturday and Sunday. We watched a bunch of movies, and Ashley cooked a great dinner every night. We got to hang out and talk about everything from God to food to relationships to music. We told stupid jokes and laughed at nothing until we were doubled over and couldn’t talk anymore. All in all, it was a great, restful weekend.

It got me thinking, though. I have traditionally been very protective of the concept of taking a Sabbath. Even in the busyness of the last few weeks, I’ve still been taking one more than not. Problem is, all I tend to do with a day off is, well, nothing. I sit around, maybe watch tv and take a nap or something, and feel guilty about all the thousands of things I should be doing instead. So yes, I’m taking a day off, and it always involves extra sleep, but am I actually resting? Judging by the way I feel the next day, the answer is a resounding “NO!”

The struggle to find rest is not a new thing for me. I’ve fought this before, even blogged about it before. But what occurs to me now is that it’s not just about whether or not I take a day off; it’s about what I do with it. Resting isn’t just about being passive and not doing anything. I think it’s more about finding out what refreshes my soul and doing that. Sometimes it’s a nap or a movie, yes, but sometimes I need a long talk with a good friend or a nice orchestral concert or that book I’ve been meaning to finish for weeks. (There’s always a book I’ve started and abandoned.)

So that’s my new revelation, which gives me a new obvious goal: to do something I enjoy every week that refreshes my soul.

This has been making the rounds, and I’ve enjoyed guessing on other people’s, so I thought I’d do one of my own. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle
Step 2: Post lyrics from the first 30 songs, not matter what they are
Step 3: Strike out the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly

Now it’s your turn to guess. Don’t Google (or use any other search engine, for that matter) – that’s cheating! Only guess if you know the answer off the top of your head.

Here we go…

1. If my arms could reach around you I would never move. If my eyes could see you I’d have no faith left to prove

2. Now I was once a fool, it’s true. I played the game by all the rules. But now my world is deeper blue. I’m sadder, but I’m wiser too.

3. One question haunts and hurts too much, too much to mention: was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? No Good Deed – Wicked soundtrack (Stephanie)

4. You are the grace that covers my sin. You’re everything, beginning and end. You have my soul, my heart and my mind. You have my love and all of my life.

5. Stars when you shine, you know how I feel. Scent of the pine, you know I feel. Now freedom is mine, and you know how I feel. Feeling Good – Muse (Natalie)

6. Did you find a directing sign on the straight and narrow highway? Would you mind a reflecting sign? Just let it shine with in your mind and show you the colors that are real. Spinning Wheel – Blood, Sweat & Tears (Jeff)

7. Oh, and there we were all in one place, a generation lost in space with no time left to start again.

8. Unaware of popularity, unconcerned with dignity. You’ve made me free. That’s proof enough for me. Fool for You – Nichole Nordeman (Kelley)

9. After the rain has fallen, after the clouds all roll away, the sweetest name remains on my soul.

10. Too bad, but it’s the life you lead. You’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need. Though you can see when you’re wrong, you know you can’t always see when you’re right.

11. For there is love that is as strong as death, jealousy demanding as the grave. Many waters cannot quench this love. You Won’t Relent – Misty Edwards (Betsy)

12. Longing for a father to call her daughter, she’s part of a generation longing for reconciliation. Girl America – Mat Kearney (Natalie)

13. He’ll build a little home just meant for two, from which I’ll never roam. Who would? Would you?

14. Nothing’s true and nothing’s right, so let me be alone tongiht. ‘Cause you can’t change the way I am.

15. Then you listen to the music and you like to sing along. You want to get the meaning out of each and every song. Then your find yourself a message and some words to call your own and take them home.

16. I’m not sure where I belong. I’m not sure where I should lay my head down, lay my head down to sleep. I’m not sure where I fit in. I’m not sure where I should plant my feet down, plant my feet down.

17. Imagine a beautiful castle and a beautiful king. He left the comfort of his throne to fight for victory. Dreamer – Bethany Dillon (Stephanie)

18. All of the beautiful colors are very, very meaningful. Grey is my favorite color. I felt so symbolic yesterday. Mr. Jones – Counting Crows (Natalie)

19. Tempreture is spicy with slight humidity. The wind plays tag with my cheeks, and I feel so carefree.

20. Je ne comprais pas Francais. So you’ll have to speak to me some other way.

21. Saw your face again today reflected in the world around me. Held your eyes with my own gaze.

22. But every time it matters, all my words desert me. So anyone can hurt me, and they can do. So what happens now?

23. I came along. I wrote a song for you and all the things you do. Yellow – Coldplay (Natalie)

24. I was happy in my harbor when you cut me loose, floating on an ocean and confused.

25. I could try to forget what you do when I let you get through to me, but then you do it over again.

26. So I lay my head back down, and I lift my eyes and pray. Only Yours – Switchfoot or Mandy Moore (Natalie)

27. I’d sacrifice anything come withat might for the sake of having you near, in spite of the warning voice that comes in the night and repeats and repeats in my ear. I’ve Got You Under My Skin – Diana Krall or Ella Fitzterald or Frank Sinatra (Jeff)

28. Just imagine someone waiting at the cottage door where two hearts become one. Who could ask for anything more?

29. It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is. It takes some fears to make you trust. It takes those tears to make it rust. It takes the dust to have it polished.

30. God of my salvation, hope of righteousness, you paid the price of freedom. You took a lonely cross. You Saw Me – Hillsong (Natalie)

Some of those are pretty easy, but that’s what came up in the shuffle. Although, I have to admit skipping a few – orchestral tracks and things in foreign languages that I couldn’t begin to transcribe mostly. And sorry, I don’t have a prize like Natalie promised on her post. But winning is still winning! So guess away!

In my last post I Am Not I basically just listed a bunch of things that I have been struggling with lately - things that I have been using to define myself. After I wrote it, I hesitated to even post it because there’s something scary about listing your biggest flaws and insecurities on the internet for all to see. But I found that there’s also something incredibly freeing about it.

I think freedom and fear go hand in hand sometimes. We can get so used to the prisons we find ourselves trapped in that it actually seems like a better option to stay there than to venture out into something we don’t know or can’t control. And that, my friends, is a very distorted perception of reality. One that I often suffer from. I have a feeling I’m not alone in this.

I don’t think fear is a bad thing. There are the obvious examples like not doing things that could harm us because we’re afraid of getting hurt, but that’s not even what I’m talking about it. I’m thinking more about the growth we experience when we face our fears, the character that is developed when we refuse to let that fear make our decisions for us, and the freedom we experience when we finally step out and do whatever it was we were so afraid of.

So I think fear can be a good thing – if we respond to it correctly. It’s a bad thing when we look at it as a wall that we keep running into over and over again or as something that limits us from living the life we want to live. But it’s a good thing when we allow it to propel us to overcome the things that keep us down.

I guess that means it’s all about perspective. The older I get, the more I learn that it is ALWAYS about perspective.

how much money I make.
how successful I am at work.
what my house and car look like.
what I wear.
how much I weigh.
how pretty/ugly I feel at the any given moment.
how well I sing or play piano.
how quickly I am improving those skills.
how well I lead.
any title, or lack thereof.
people’s opinions of me - even when they’re good.
people’s opinions of me – even when they’re bad.
how many friends I have.
how often I see/call/text/email those friends.
how often those friends see/call/text/email me.
my marital status.
whether or not I cook or clean.
how often I cry.

I am not defined by the external.
I am not the sum of my insecurities.
I am not afraid of my weaknesses, OR of my strengths.
I am not obligated to other people’s opinions and expectations.
I am not the same person I was a year ago, or a month ago, or even yesterday.

Does anyone know anything about water pressure? Sometimes the water pressure in my shower is normal, sometimes it’s so hard it almost hurts, and sometimes it’s so light that I feel like I’m in a cheap hotel. I can’t seem to find any rhyme or reason to it. As far as I know, nobody else is ever in the shower or using anything water related. Any ideas?

It’s pretty easy to get frustrated in your 20’s because you don’t know what you’re doing with your life, or feel like you’re not doing anything at all. I’ve seen it over and over in myself and in the folks around me. But it’s kinda ridiculous when you think about it.

The average American  life span is 77.5-80 years, according to Wikipedia. So if we have 80 years on this earth, let’s disregard the first 20 as childhood say that our adult life will be about 60 years. That would put the halfway point of our adult life around age 50.

Now in that light, what exactly do we expect to have to show for ourselves in our 20’s? I’m 27 and I’m just barely an adult. Now I’m not saying that God can’t use young people (He can) or that we just have to get through this period because the only thing that matters is what happens later. I’m simply saying that for those of us in our 20’s who look at our lives and panic because we don’t know what we’re doing or don’t have anything to show for ourselves can take a deep breath and relax a little.

Not that I’ve ever wanted to, or feel like my life is somehow incomplete because I haven’t. I was stuck for a title , and I looked up and saw Kristen Bell milking a cow on an old episode of Veronica Mars.

I just got back from working out again. I’ve been working out pretty regularly for about 2 weeks now, and I’ve hated pretty much every minute of it. Today, however, I did feel a slight bit of satisfaction when I was walking home because I beat my personal record for distance run on the elliptical machine by almost half a mile, so that was pretty cool. I also found a slight bit of satisfaction in being able to say I’ve doing it consistently for 2 weeks. I am also finding satisfaction in the fact that I’m fitting back into clothes I haven’t been able to wear in a while. So maybe it’s not all bad!

I’ve also been trying to eat healthier, but that’s an even tougher battle than the working out. I have cut WAY back on the amount of fast food I eat, though, so that’s a good 1st step!

I had my 1st concert last night with the Tallahassee Community Chorus. It was so much fun! Mr. Roger’s widow was there. She is so cute! She sang along with us when we sang Won’t You Be My Neighbor. We also sang more legit music, such as Rutter’s Mass of the Children, which was absoultely beautiful! Our next concert is Haydn’s The Creation in April. I’m pretty exited about it!

And that’s the end of my random thoughts for tonight!